The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
