Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
