new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dicks are not precious.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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