I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize