Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
