I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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