I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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