Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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