you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
