Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
