Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
