i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
