well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
