My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
