Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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