in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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