First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
