It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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