why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
