I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We had to coat check the pizza.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
