I think I died a long time ago.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
