wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
