Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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