Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
