i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
