I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
