super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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