I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
