Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
