i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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