i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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