just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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