Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
