If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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