Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
