Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
