That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
