I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
