If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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