I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
