So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
