the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
