omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
