so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
