Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
