why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
