I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
