Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
