Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it's like iHOP with fire
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
