Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
