i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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