You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
