I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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