did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
