I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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