I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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