saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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