The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK