Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF