Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
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For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
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im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.