just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
