apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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