he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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