I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
