She is in my trunk
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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