I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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