Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
