omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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