I wish i was in the wii world.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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