i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
