just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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