Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
